We don't need your money, money, money*

OMG. Clever-clogs. Who let them in? Here we were, having a ball, sending crypto to the moon and now suddenly it's like we're trapped in some dystopian sensory-deprivation office pod with Big Brother piping the same boring rubbish over the PA system 24/7—brainiacs talking 🎵that blah blah, that la la, that rah rah🎵** with their commoditEEs, securitEEs and fEE-aht currencEEs. Gimme strength.

Some of them are kinda ok, I guess. But seriously, can the rest of them please just go away and let us get back to trading, minting NFTs and stalking Elon Musk online—stuff that people like you and me—aka people with real lives—do?

Here's the lowdown. There are things we can have and hold, things we can enforce with a snarky lawyer's letter and a couple of things that are, like, a bit of both. Economists will come at us with "store of value" and the market peeps will beat us over the head with "investment contract" but we'll plug our ears with wax so that the siren song of their condescension doesn't drive us mad.

If there's some poor sod you might have to take to court before you can get your dues, that's probably an issuer. If so, the stuff ain't a commodity. If there's an issuer borrowing short-term and lending long-term, or taking on deposit and lending out, that's about maturity, which makes it banking in my book (but not everyone's, apparently). Securities represent a chance to participate in commercial activity. (Go figure.😒) Things that have an issuer are called "shoes in action" while things that don't have an issuer are called "shoes in possession".✝︎ (🤷) And, some of those shoes in possession are commodities, others are one-offs, like paintings. There's also a few shoes that have feet in both camps, like share certificates and bank notes (but not coins, which are minted). I say these bifurcated things are "issued-and-in-possession", because...y'know, they're both issued and, whatchamacallit? In possession.

Oh, and, of course, there are also issued-things-that-reference-things-in-possession—like commodities derivatives—and issued-things-that-reference-things-in-action, like depository receipts (ADRs).

So, those are the things. And, what you and I have are crypto-things. Our tokens are gonna be crypto-securities, crypto-CDs or crypto-commodities accordingly. Only, some of them will be crypto-issued-things-in-possession (possessed in virtual wallets, rather than physical lockboxes) and some of those—not to mention, some crypto-minted-things-in-possession—might even be cryptocurrencies, if we all act like they, well, "pass in currency".

Simples.

Let them know that they won't drag us down. #HODL Tell them: 🎵I don't want your prescriptions. Just 'cause you say I'm crazy🎵***

...and send it to the mo-o-o-o-o-on.✝︎✝︎

(Or, maybe, review your saving options and identify your risk appetite, remembering that cryptoassets as a class of investment are often said to be characterised by volatility and regulatory risk.)

Next week:"Crypto: Deceptive Practices and Recharacterisation Risk."

NB. Sarky Blogs Are Not Financial Advice (SBANFA) and #IANAFA.

✝︎ (Or, just possibly: "choses in action/possession")

✝︎✝︎ (Disclosure: I have acquired diverse types of crypto for reasons of personal curiosity and hold them, as of writing, in vanishingly small amounts. I am hugely positive about tokenization but currently neutral on established cryptocurrencies, with a positive outlook that is conditional on well-designed regulation.)

* Songwriters: Lukasz Gottwald / Claude Kelly / Jessica Cornish / Bobby Ray Jr Simmons

Price Tag lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Studio Beast Music, Ham Squad Music, Songs Of Universal Inc.

** Songwriters: Cindy Alexander / Dennis Joseph Matkosky. Masterpiece lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group

*** Songwriters: Lauren Christy / Bebe Rexha / Jon Levine. I’m Gonna Show You Crazy lyrics © Universal Music - Careers, Bmg Platinum Songs Us, Bmg Platinum Songs, Kiss Me Lf You Can Music, Lauren Christy Songs, Kiss Me If You Can Music, Lauren Christy Its Lcbaba Baby Songs